For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. -Romans 7:19
You're not nice, you're just quiet about it. -My mom
I know exactly how Paul the Apostle feels. And, my mom is right. I want to travel the globe and offer my love, aid, and faith to people, yet I avoid eye contact with the 7-11 clerk because I'm scared he'll hit on me... again. I want to be patient and compassionate, but those desires dissipate the minute I get behind the wheel. I implore God to help me with my habitual sins, but I am the harshest judge of those who share the same struggles.
I have come to the conclusion that I am a mean girl. I am a petty, selfish, bratty, know-it-all (who abhors other know-it-alls, BTW) who is stingy with her time and her affections. These shortcomings become all the more glaring when viewed in the perspective of the cross.
However, all is not lost! I have hope! This same cross has saved me from my awful human-ness:
God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were yet dead in our sins- it is by grace you have been saved -Ephesians 2:4b-5
My flaws make me all the more grateful that I have Christ in my life. Not so that I can rest in what He's done and just coast, but so that I can know that He is sanctifying me in this life. It is with Him I can aspire to better:
Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. -Hebrews 10:14
It is all about aspiring to be more while forgiving ourselves when we fail. We are our harshest judges of ourselves, it seems. BTW don't take anything I say too seriously. I'm full of crap! Hope is what it is all about.
ReplyDelete