Christian Mental Mash-Up

Do you ever mix up 2 similar-sounding songs in your head? Today I realized I did that with these 2 songs: Nichole Nordeman's Holy, and Natalie Grant's I Will Not Be Moved. I love them both, but the melodies sound too alike for my brain to keep separate. Enjoy!

Mean Girl

For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. -Romans 7:19

You're not nice, you're just quiet about it. -My mom

I know exactly how Paul the Apostle feels. And, my mom is right. I want to travel the globe and offer my love, aid, and faith to people, yet I avoid eye contact with the 7-11 clerk because I'm scared he'll hit on me... again. I want to be patient and compassionate, but those desires dissipate the minute I get behind the wheel. I implore God to help me with my habitual sins, but I am the harshest judge of those who share the same struggles.

I have come to the conclusion that I am a mean girl. I am a petty, selfish, bratty, know-it-all (who abhors other know-it-alls, BTW) who is stingy with her time and her affections. These shortcomings become all the more glaring when viewed in the perspective of the cross.

However, all is not lost! I have hope! This same cross has saved me from my awful human-ness:

God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were yet dead in our sins- it is by grace you have been saved -Ephesians 2:4b-5

My flaws make me all the more grateful that I have Christ in my life. Not so that I can rest in what He's done and just coast, but so that I can know that He is sanctifying me in this life. It is with Him I can aspire to better:

Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. -Hebrews 10:14

Happy Friday!

Whew, it's been a long week, my friends. Enjoy your weekend!

Movie Review: La Strada

After a discussion with friends, I was resolved on which Fellini movie to watch next. I liked La Dolce Vita, and I loved 8 1/2. They recommended La Strada. Thank you, Herb & Carol!

La Strada is enchanting, primarily because of the main character, Gelsomina. I couldn't figure out if she was supposed to be painfully shy, a little slow, naive, or any combination of those. It didn't really matter to me, though. She was so endearing that my spirit soared with her every smile, and my heart sunk with her every tear.

Gelsomina (played by Giulietta Masina, Fellini's wife), lives with her family in poverty. She is sold into labor by her mother, and joins Zampano, an ill-tempered traveling strongman. Their journey through Italy coincides with her own journey to understanding her purpose in life- even as Zampano (Anthony Quinn) is thoughtless and cruel to her. The ending, though not the happiest, is very fitting and satisfying.

Some of the reviews of La Strada I perused online classify it as surreal. I don't know that I agree with that. Everything was plausible; besides, don't we all have moments in our [real] lives when we think , "This is just surreal"??

So, if you have any interest in watching a black-and-white Italian movie (I can hear my mom now: "Bleeehhh!"), watch La Strada.

Dream a Little Dream

Inspired by another blogger's post on dreams, I'll share mine here. I consistently have strange dreams. People behave unpredictably, places are mash-ups of familiar locales and strange new ones, and I have varying degrees of control over what I do in them. Like last week, when I voluntarily woke myself from a long dream to find I'd overslept.

For the past couple weeks, in all the dreams I have had, it's been raining. It hasn't been a downpour, or anything. It's just there. In one dream, I was driving my brother somewhere. My car suddenly flipped over- onto its roof! Neither of us were hurt, so we climbed out, and walked home in the rain.

So check it out: according to The Curious Dreamer, rain can signify

A gift or assistance from God
Nourishment and replenishing (as rain nourished plants)
Spiritual presence
Cleansing, washing away the old, and starting new

Wow! Dream Moods has the following to say about rain in dreams

To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems.

To dream that you are watching the rain from a window, indicates that spiritual ideas and insights are being brought to your awareness. It may also symbolize fortune and love.

To hear rain tapping on the roof, denotes spiritual ideas coming to fruition in your mind.

Hmmm I'll take it. I don't really know how much weight/importance we can give dreams (Are they prophetic? Symbolic? A mixed-up buffet of the subconscious?), but mine are definitely a source of nightly entertainment.

Femininity

I remember reading once that the Orthodox Jewish man begins his day with a prayer that includes thanking God for not having made him a woman. At the time, I felt indignant. Snubbed. However, I can now say that I thank God for His having made me a woman. In fact, there are things I absolutely love about being female.

Before I detail them, I should clear something up. To say something about one's "sex" is biological, i.e. what anatomy you have. To say something about one's "gender" is sociological, i.e. what your culture defines each sex's role to be. I realize that this list is gender-based. Not only that, it's Treehouse-Dweller-based. I don't believe, or expect, these things to be true for all women. They're true of me, and that's all.

Ladies, comment with your favorite things about being female!

10. Blushing from receiving compliments

9. The skillful application of mascara: between the treacherous grounds of poking oneself in the eye and smearing black goo on one's face

8. Teetering about in high heels (yes, I know they are "bad for you," but they do something almost magical for my posture, and therefore, my confidence)

7. Lip gloss

6. Being faced each morning with the decision: "Which perfume will I wear today?"

5. Having doors held open, chairs pulled out, and heavy bags carried- to me, this isn't anti-feminist, it's chivalry

4. Feeling that it's perfectly acceptable for me to coo, swoon, squeal, giggle, and get misty-eyed over silly things

3. The catharsis of a good cry

2. Surprising others with grace and strength under pressure

1. Being zipped into a dress that fits like a glove

Mystery Followers

So, there are a few followers of this blog whom I don't know. Being a curious person, this drives me bananas.

If you're one of those individuals, please leave me a comment here. Tell me who you are, where you are, how you found my blog, and why you follow it. Thanks in advance for the elucidation...

Overslept

This morning I overslept... by nearly 2 hours. Fortunately, I was able to whittle down my getting-ready time, and I made it into the office 45 minutes late. This is not like me at all. I am the one who is early to everything, even my own birth (by a month!).

I am afraid of being late, of missing something good, something important. Plus, I hate to hurry. Rushing to do something or get somewhere feels to me too similar to anxiety for my comfort.

Did my alarm even go off this morning? If it did, I sure don't remember it. All I know is that I was in the middle of a long dream, and thought to myself, "Hmm, this is a long dream. Maybe I should wake up soon." So I did.

Apparently my body really needed the rest. So, I'm going to bed now. G'night!

Book Review: Playing With The Grown-Ups

This morning, I finished the final few pages of Sophie Dahl's novel, Playing With the Grown-Ups. The last chapter, providing the resolve for the story, scarcely fills one page. I had to read it two or three times, trying to squeeze the most I could from each word, phrase, and sentence. I was also sad that such a great read was coming to an end. Dahl is the granddaughter of Roald Dahl, one of my favorite authors growing up.

The book tells the story of Kitty Larsen, a girl growing up in England, then America, then England again... Her transient adolescence is due in no small part to her flighty mother's pursuit of men and happiness. Grown-Ups swings fluidly from Kitty's past to her present, and back again. It has a timeless quality that is lovely and refreshing. Save for a few British pop culture references, it could've taken place at almost any time.

Grown-Ups is as much about her mother as it is about Kitty. Marina is at once despicable and lovable (though by the end I had settled on the latter). A beautiful, bohemian, talented artist, she captures the fancy of many men- and vice versa. Eventually, she reveals the extent of her instability.

Kitty's preteen years reminded so much of my own that I couldn't help but love her. She wore large glasses, adored her mother, and practiced a careful skin-care regimen. She never quite felt she had the "right" clothes. She had a vivid imagination, and worried about strange, implausible events. She was intrigued by different cultures and faiths.

I loved this book. It is charming and poignant. Put this on your summer reading list!

Nest Debut

Friday night was the opening of a group art exhibit in which I participated. My sweetie curated, organized, hung, and labeled all the artwork. The gallery, part of the historic Rose Marine Theater, looked fantastic.

Five selections from my nest series got to make their debut! I was touched by how lovingly they were installed, perching on eggshell-white wedges at various heights. My heart was warmed by the great turnout, which included friends, family, and even my boss! I felt validated by another artist asking about them, and then offering his impression of my nests, which was spot-on.

And if you're in Fort Worth and would like to see them in person (along with some additional great art) the show will be up through September 16! Without further ado, here are some photos of me and my nests.

From left: Nest No. 1: Fiesta, Nest No. 2: Five a Day

Nest No. 3: Blue Lines

Nest No. 5: Lemon-Berry-Choco Perches

Nest No. 6: Cradle

Me and my nests!

Some Girls...Didn't Really Enjoy This Book

When I first heard mention of Jillian Lauren's Some Girls in a Borders email, I was fascinated. The book recounts the author's time in a harem for Prince Jefri of Brunei.

All the glitz, glamour, and wealth she experienced could not hide the fact that this was prostitution, plain and simple. This was reinforced by the fact that, prior to being a modern-day harem girl, Lauren was a call girl in NYC (when not pursuing an acting career).

The subject matter was far more gritty than I imagined, especially because it included so much of Lauren's life before and after her time in the palace. She unflinchingly tells of her physically abusive father, a sexually abusive camp counselor, having an abortion, and getting a tattoo - one that spirals out from her navel, winding its way down her thigh to decorate her...yeah. Ick. All this happens, she reminds the reader more than once, while going through the late-teens/early-twenties struggle of trying to "find herself."

I know it's a memoir, but Lauren just seemed so utterly taken with herself, with the life she was living, with the people in it. That made it hard to sympathize with her. It sounds harsh, and it makes me feel bad, but I didn't come away from this book liking her as a person. I know that was likely not her intention, I'm just saying. I think her thoughts, desires, interests, etc. reminded me too much of myself...when I was a moody middle-schooler.

If you're in a prayin' mood...

...Pray for the Gulf, and the lives (human and animal) devastated by the oil spill. It nearly makes me sick. Today I saw a picture that, along with its caption, made my heart ache.

The caption read, "A baby Kemp's Ridley sea turtle, an endangered species, awaits care at the Audubon Center for the Research of Endangered Species, in New Orleans, La., on July 9, after being rescued from the oil spill. (Gerald Herbert / AP)"

"awaits care" tugs at my heartstrings sumpin' fierce, I don't know why. I wish I wasn't such a softie! I wish I knew what I could do to help.

You'll Have Questions, Too

Leave yours in the comments. I think the website where I found this says it best:

"Let me introduce you to your new favorite internet superstar. Do whatever the f*** you think you can to get ready and hit play."

Ten-Four, Good Buddy

So today was a great one at my new job! I finally (after a week and a half, haha) "covered a load." This means I talked to a carrier who had a truck available, and negotiated a rate to get a load of freight moved. I got all their paperwork in order, and got the driver on his way! He should be delivering first thing tomorrow morning.

I feel myself warming up to my co-workers, and vice versa. I think we are going to have a fun, positive work environment. I have already learned so much, but I'm excited about all that I still have yet to learn.

...Plus, my boss told some people I met at our parent company that I am a "jewel"! Awwwww!

The Yummiest Lunch Ever

Today I had jury duty, but the trial I was selected for got rescheduled. Yippee! I was free as a bird by 11:15 or so. I called my sweetness to see if he had any plans for lunch. He didn't. Did he have any ideas of where we could go? He suggested the lunch buffet at Terra, the Mediterranean restaurant in the West 7th development-thingy.

Oh. My. Goodness. I was so impressed. Yes, $13 per person is a bit steep for a lunch buffet, but this buffet was exceptional. Everything looked, and tasted, fresh. My plate looked like a gorgeous rainbow of yummy delights. I had...

-Babaghanoush: smoky, eggplant-y, and whipped to a lovely consistency

-Some sort of seasoned pita bread encrusted with herbs

-Tabouleh: cool and refreshing

-Mediterranean salad: cucumbers, red onion, and tomato chunks enlivened by olive oil and lemon juice

-Saffron rice: fluffy and a little poppy (just how I like it!)

-Vegetarian Moussaka: Chickpeas and eggplant in an irresistible tomato sauce

-Spinach: cooked the perfect amount of time

-Roasted vegetables: beautiful and, again, not over- or under-cooked

Would I have gone back for seconds? Yes, had I not seen something on my first trip that I wanted to save room for. It was rice pudding. I have never had rice pudding, and this kind was topped with sprightly green pistachio pieces. It turns out that this dessert sealed the deal for this being my yummiest lunch ever. It was ice-cold. It was creamy. It had a flavor like flowers and honey. It was the perfect way to refresh my palate after a meal on a hot day. I never thought I'd write this sentence, but that pudding was amazing. Some Google-sleuthing leads me to believe it likely contained orange blossom water, hence the floral flavor. It looked just like this pic I found online:

Sweet 'n' Sour

I got 2 bits of news this morning regarding employment, one good, one bad:

1. My "skill set" was not deemed "advanced enough" for a graphic design position I interviewed for. This is kind of a downer, it was at a great company. Plus, I enjoy design. It almost added insult to injury that the HR rep told me she'd forward my resume to their recruiter who hires for "degreed, lower-level positions." Oh, thanks! That sounds great!

2. I got a job offer for a sales position at the freight brokerage I've interviewed at. The fact that you basically build and run your own business is so exciting to me. Plus, the money you can make...yeah. It makes all the things I want to be able to do seem not-so-distant.

So, as I begin my career in commissioned sales on Monday, I'll post a motivating song I heard recently. (I can almost hear one of my students, "Oooh, das ma jay-um!")

Nice.

Just another reason why I don't shop at Wal-Mart. I realize that discrimination isn't the point of the author's article. She was just frustrated that they manipulated their price-matching policy. Neither of these things surprise me coming from the Wal- the manipulation nor the discrimination. Check out Wake Up Wal-Mart for more reasons to steer clear of their "rollbacks." Ugh.

PS: For the record, I buy all my produce at a "Mexican" store. It's cheaper, and better!

Last Day of School

Today was my last day of tutoring science at the middle school. Well, that isn't exactly accurate, because not a whole lot of teaching has been going on in the last 1-2 weeks. It was my last day there, and the last day of school for my students.

Other than the seemingly incessant, "What are you going to do this summer/next year?" questions from teachers and students alike, I was able to forego admitting to myself that, come June 5, I would be sans job again.

But, as I write this, the tidal wave of this fact is smacking me upside the head. I have a couple potential opportunities, but they are just that: potential. Nothing is certain yet. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch. I am trying to master "cautiously optimistic."

A handful of my 8th grade girls were crying this afternoon. Two were full-on sobbing unabashedly. I asked their teacher what was up. She said, "Oh, they're just sad they're going to miss each other." As if they're not all neighbors, or texting each other constantly, or all would probably list Myspace as a hobby!

As ridiculous as I found their tears, I later realized that I could relate. We were all forgetting that everything would be ok. We all needed to remember that new things, or changes, can be great things. And we all could use a reminder that God has a plan for each of us.

...Tough realizations aside, my kids taught me a fun new game today called Ninja.

It might sound cheesy, but I'll miss them. All of them. I hope the best for all of them. And I hope I have made even the tiniest positive impression on their lives.

New Photo Series

I've been thinking about this for a while now, but I'm going to finally do my series of photos called I Don't Understand It, But I Love It. It's pretty self-explanatory. I just want each photo to be intriguing both in its image composition and its subject matter. I want it to be a testament to the idea that life may not always make sense, but there's always something in it to appreciate. You can click on them to get a larger view.

Here's the first, One of Two in My Spinach.

And here is The Floor Was Pink, Too.

Busy McChaos

Hi friends! There has been a lot going on in my lil' world recently. Not bad stuff (in fact, all potentially good), just a lot of it. I promise to write a more thorough post soon. For now, I leave you with a song I heard on Sirius last night that gave me goosebumps. It just reminded me to keep that eternal/Biblical perspective, even when my surroundings might be changing. Enjoy!